Euan Denholm/Reuters
I am so totally sick of Lucy. I’ve been buried in silt for millions of years while that dang Lucy kept getting all the attention. I have a hyoid bone, people! I am more complete than that spotlight-stealing, dig-diva. I am the child that family trees beg for.
And please stop calling me Selam. It means peace, but seriously, what kid do you know who wants to be named Peace? I was called Aleen in my time and Aleen is what I’d like to remain.
Anyway, I get unearthed by pokey anthropologists and then those stupid anthro-razzis take a picture with a shadow on my left side. I hate that! I look lopsided and grim. I was really a looker in my time, a mere three million years ago, or so. And I wasn’t three, for god’s sake, I was six and yes, I used tools and if I were a living child today, I’d know where to bury my poop. Sheesh. Kids today are so clueless.
So the anthros dissected my body and speculated on my shoulder blades and rotator cuffs. I swung from trees, sure, but I walked more than they knew. I walked a lot. In fact, you should have seen my feet. They were so dang cute and I decorated them with cinnamon paint.
I’ve been around for longer than Lucy and when all the academes scrambled around, making predictions and writing chapters about her, I was so steamed that I almost combusted! But I was wise, yes, even for six, so I sat tight and waited for the dig intern to stumble upon my cute dried up self.
I suppose I’ll be put on display and theses will be written about me, but humans are pretty stupid these days. Back when I was alive and before that terrible flood came, if you came upon someone unfamiliar, you asked him or her about his or her story and he or she told you. I’m so fed up with no one asking me, “Aleen, what was it like to live then? What did you eat? What was your family and community like?” that I just refuse to say anything other than it was a hell of a lot more interesting then and we didn’t even have the SIMS to play with.
So there. Go sit at your desks and drain your brain everyday hooked up to something unreal and I’ll just cackle from my glass box. Later, suckers.
