In honor of Friday, I want to start off by telling you how much I love my human.
I love the way she snores at night, her breath softly smelling of pizza. I love the way her silky hair tastes in my mouth. I like running my paw against her arm, which is sleek and cool. When I do that, she softens like a newly killed mouse and curls into me.
Every day when she comes home, she runs to me and scoops me up and kisses my head. I endure it for a while, but then succumb to her lips and allow her to rub my furred belly. We purr together and then I ask her to feed me and she always, always does.
I play a game with her and I am amused each time. She’s so simple. I love her for that. For example, I wait outside the shower curtains and then just when she’s distracted by soaping her hair, I jump up on the tub and spring for her legs. She screams like a child and I silently laugh and then go groom myself scrupulously on her bathmat. It never fails.
She doesn’t ask much of me and I prefer that kind of relationship. When I give, it’s from my heart. Like the times she’s bloated before her menses and I, knowing exactly what she needs, carefully step all over her stomach to ease the internal pressure. I also know to stay out of the way when I smell too much tequila on her because she makes these cute, little pukey noises and I wait, calmly, outside her bathroom until she feels better.
The only time we encounter conflict is when her oafish boyfriend stays the night. My place next to her hip is taken up by his beefy presence and tireless hands. It’s so distasteful that I choose to avoid the pair of them and take up residence in the living room. Though it’s not that bad, because I do have a charming video I play to keep me company.
Ah, my human. So endearing, so filled with personality and charm. I’d be a very sad feline without her. Let’s hope I can rid our life of that bothersome boy. I might try a little excrement on his head, or take the high ground and just urinate in his shoes.
Until next week, my fellow cats. Love your human, especially today.
