Project Runway Dissed Me!

Hi, my name is Sharon Moon and I’m really pissed at Project Runway. They edited me out of Season 3 in every shot! Did you see me sitting next to Vincent the first episode? No. Did you watch MY model workin’ it down the runway? No. In fact, I was treated like Asian women everywhere—invisible!

No one saw my rumpled hair and clotted eyes in the morning. Noooo, of course, all the cameras wanted was cute, little blondie and scary, horse-faced Laura. Being Asian, and not gay or even controversial, I was shunted off to the side like the last, soggy wonton.

I made it through four episodes—FOUR—and not once did you see Vera and I hanging out together. She’s so nice. And she said I was nice too. But when I protested to Heidi and the producers, they said don’t worry, Sharon, you’ll be featured soon. We won’t let your small stature and giant head get lost in the shuffle.

But damn them, they lied. Even Tim Gunn, whom I used to adore, rarely stopped by my dress form. Maybe it was because I was in the closet in Parsons. But it was roomy! And it had air conditioning!

For a while I thought it was because I smelled bad. I do have a slight problem with how my body processes meat. Instead of normal people, I smell like rancid beef if I eat any, but I mean, c’mon, look at that cute shot of me! What’s not to love? I even carry around signs that remind me not to eat meat, but to eat fries instead! If I eat fries, I smell great. Crispy.

And my dresses kicked ass. I mean, they were more moo goo gai pan than anyone else. I used some chopsticks for the first challenge and the producers seemed to think it was the most adorable thong, but it wasn’t shown. Then I developed a plastic bondage top and bottom with whip, collar, mask and spill-proof panties after we visited the recycling plant, but that witch Nina said it didn’t quite “work, or look truly comfortable.” Of course it was! I happen to know that many of my friends in bondage are still comfortable right now in my basement!

Taste issues. Kayne had taste issues. I was completely discriminated by those vegan, gay-loving fashion hussies. I’ll get my takeout jacket and pressed duck jeans in ready-to-wear boutiques soon. Look for Sharon Moon creations. I promise—they’ll look great and smell like fries.

Teacher Orders Korean Baby Online

When Marilyn Graff uses the Internet, the 42-year-old usually shows eighth graders in her rural Wisconsin classroom how to conduct research. But last year, Ms. Graff joined the growing numbers of couples who use the Internet to secure children from other countries.

“We discovered that we couldn’t have children a few years ago, so we decided to adopt from Korea,” she explained. “And instead of driving the six or so hours to Chicago, we thought why not go online?”

Indeed, many prospective parents are finding that online agencies, dubbed “e-baby agencies” by critics, are reliable and more efficient than in-state, face-to-face agencies.

Graff and her husband, Erik, had to go fill out all the forms other prospective parents complete in more traditional agencies. But instead of a home-visit, they had a webcam interview. They also had the opportunity to choose their daughter online, communicate with her foster mother through a translator and pay the online agency directly, saving about $4,000, which is a fairly large discount, considering the total price of a child adopted from Korea is about $27,000.

“I found Kimberly right away after scrolling through a few photo pages of the babies. She was so cute, so fat and her little slanted eyes were the brightest on the page,” Graff said.

Graff said the Internet allowed her access to Korean culture in a unique way. “Koreanbabyonline has a basic Korean training section where I can hear Korean phrases. I think I can almost speak Korean to Kimberly.” Graff laughed. “At least, maybe it’s Korean to me. Kimberly prefers English anyway.”

Koreanbabyonline.com is just one of the sites offering children from Korea. On it, prospective parents can choose their top five babies to submit to their agents, send in their forms, order kimchi and other Korean foods, and even choose the outfit the baby will wear on his or her plane ride to the U.S.

Graff and her husband doubted that an online agency could be legitimate and safe, but changed their minds once they checked with the state, were emailed a certificate of Kimberly’s purchase, an online video of Kimberly playing with a toy and were snail-mailed the legal documents from Korea and the U.S.

“It worked out!” Graff exclaimed. “And then, seven months after we were approved, Kimberly arrived in Chicago. We were waiting with other parents who went through the same online agency and all of us were completely overjoyed when our children came off the plane.”

Graff said the online agency was a blessing. “It was the easiest thing I’d ever done online. Kimberly was healthy, she wore the striped hanbok I picked for her and she’s been a spicy bundle of joy ever since.”

For more information, visit koreanbabyonline.com

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